Jackson Wolf
11/9/11
Language Arts
Bob’s final Hour
A response to “The Outsiders” Chapter 4
“There!” I said “There’s two of ‘em”. Randy pulled the blue mustang over to the two Greasers. They knew what we were here for. “Let’s go, Randy come on” We all got out. We had no trouble getting close. “Perfect” We all seemed to think. “That kid Dally ain’t around, this will be a breeze”. I looked at that one Greaser Johnny, the kid we beat before; he was white as a Ghost I’m tellin ya. And his buddy, I think David heard him say Ponyboy. Dang, where do people get these names these days? They realized when they are outnumbered, they started backing up. If it wasn’t for that fountain, we’d be on a wild goose chase. “Hey guys look,” I said “Here’s the little greasers that picked up our Girls. Hey Greasers”. Johnny then said in a scared voice “You outa your territory, you’d better watch it”. I then thought about Dally. None of us could stand against him. But then I knew that he ain’t here. had the others take a quick look, see if their Darry was around.
David told me that there was no sign of him, good; this’ll be nice and easy. We walked up to them, I had my fellow Soc’s surround ‘em, made sure they didn’t escape. Randy swore at the little guys. I followed up and said “Nup pals, yer the ones who’d better watch it. Next time you want a broad, pick up your own kind dirt”. We could tell the one to the right that he was mad. He was shaking either because of the cold night, or his own rage. I told the enemy gang “You know what a greaser is, White Trash with long hair” We had a good laugh. Then the kid on the right, PonyBoy was it was furious. He spat out “You know what a Soc is, White Trash with Mustangs and madras”. That little brat spat and it landed on my new $54 Shoes. I shook my head, smiling slowly. I qued David to get ready.
“You could use a bath greaser” I said slowly “And a working over, and we’ve got all night to do it. Give the Kid a bath, David”. It wasn’t long before David had PonyBoy’s arm behind his back. He then plunged his face into the fountain. Randy then said “That’s one less kid to take care of”. Johnny then saw that PonyBoy was relaxing, the bubbles slowed. Then Johnny gave an angry scream, he rushed past Randy and the others, I couldn’t tell what he was doing until I felt it, a switch blade in my lung. I tried to yell for help, but they were all so surprised. They all ran from me, all of them, David saw me, he took PonyBoy outa the fountain and took off. I then started to relax. Finally, with all of the strength I had, I finally said “You – you little--” I was cut off by another puncture in my back; I opened my mouth in pain. I found my eyes closing. Then they were shut. Forever.
I like the point of view you wrote this piece from. Your last two paragraphs are somewhat confusing, consider revising. Over all good job.
ReplyDeleteI like how you showed this but your last paragraph is confusing.
ReplyDeleteI liked how in the beginning it tells his thoughts. The last paragraph you repeated words too soon, i.e. "Finally, with all the strength I had, I finally said...". But mostly, it was pretty good.
ReplyDeleteWow, I LOVED the voice and descriptions in your piece! We'll have to work on how to format dialogue in your writing (it should look just like a novel's dialogue looks), but I really enjoyed how you used direct quotes from the real scene to make your new perspective so real! Great work!
ReplyDelete~Ms. Hanson